Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
