No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
