Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dicks are not precious.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
