How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
