Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
wow bdsm is so cute
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