I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
