Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
