running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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