Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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