is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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