I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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