Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
