I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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