Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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