I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
