Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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