note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
