Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
