somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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