i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
