I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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