some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
