3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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