problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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