I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
