I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
