My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
too bad you live with your parents still
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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