I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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