she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
