My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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