I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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