Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't turn off my feet"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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