sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Houston, we have a squirter
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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