haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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