my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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