I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
