I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
