i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
