i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
