If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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