The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
