We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
