Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
