Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
