My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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