They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
