One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
