I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
