god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
