I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
