Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
